survivor of suicide thoughts.

I've never shard this with anyone not even people that are so close to me. When no one could help me with my struggles that i was facing i have thought about ending all the pain i was facing all the bullying i was facing at school. i wanted the pain to go away because no one could help me i was dealing with trying to find answers to how to deal with pain that i have held for long time from rape as young child and no one wanted to listen to me or hear me. So what what is best way to make it all go away take take your life right... i mean its something no one talks about because its something people are ashamed of i didn't for long time.I wanted all of the pain to go away and i struggled with that pain for long time. I tried drinking to make it go away and it did for a while then when i became sober that pain came back. So many times i thought about drinking poison had it in my hand holding it crying and i just couldn't do it came so close to do it but never did it. I was 19 when i finally started helping myself I got pregnant with my oldest daughter and i had to to change for her but most importantly myself I couldn't let the silent the unspoken fight no one wants to talk about win over me. i had to learn how to over come the fight against thought of suicide. It took me 3 years and i finally did it i finally learned to over come the negative thoughts . I learned how to love myself, I learned to over come negative thinking what helped me was positive music when i was feeling down i listened to kids silly music that helped so much. I talked to myself in the mirror encouraged myself to think positive that people i have in my life love me and how much pain i can cause them. doing this over and over again i finally won over the suicide. If only i talked to someone close to me about the struggle i would have gotten help but because i didn't. i learned to over come it myself and from that i have helped people that went through same thoughts i did. I SURVIVED suicide so can you dont give up you are a fighter you are a worrier that can win any battle comes your way with right people by your side with right mindset and the determination of winning any fight any struggle you face. you have people that can help.